Yesterday I was told I was amazing.
Yesterday I was told I was inspirational.
Yesterday I was told I was strong minded, disciplined, kind.
Yesterday I was told that by me continually physically and mentally challenging myself to be the best I can be, I am an example to others.
Wow. Ok, then.
So despite the fact that I felt like I was none of those things, apparently someone thinks I am.
I get up each and every morning and do the things that I need to do to achieve the outcome that I want.
If that means getting up 10 minutes earlier than I really need to so I can get my first meal of the day in with no rush, then I will.
If that means eating meals that go against what the rest of society deems as “normal” then I will.
If that means guarding MY training time feroucisuly then I will.
If that means sticking to my guns about alcohol, then I will.
If that means ignoring every single comment about “how it’s different for you because you are a trainer” then I will.
I do all the things I do NOT just because I am a trainer and I should “look a certain way” and that I should do it because I should be “leading the way".
I don’t go out of my way to do any of these things to be inspirational or amazing or to want you to call me a "guru".
I don’t feel particularly strong minded, disciplined or kind. In fact, I’ve always been the sort of person that has does things that don’t particularly fit into what society deems as “normal”.
Why I do the things I do is because I had an eating disorder for 20 years (gory details another day) so each and every day is my way of saying “sorry” to my body, to repair the years of damage.
Because of my own personal journey when people tell me that change is too hard, or it’s not the “right time” or “I’m too busy”, I take it rather personally because, for some “strange but true” reason I feel like I have failed you. (I’m working on this…..)
How I have failed you, when YOU are the one who holds all the cards, I am not sure, but there you have it.
Because I know that in reality that All of those excuses that you give, the "why you can’ts" are hiding the fear that you have.
-
Fear that if you try you might fail
-
Fear that if you try you might get it wrong.
-
Fear that if you try you might not be perfect.
-
Fear that if you try you might not understand.
So Fucking what if those things happen.
You pick yourself up and you try again.
Life is not about being perfect.
Life is not about avoiding failure.
Life is not about avoiding feeling uncomfortable.
Fuck it. You’ve got to get uncomfortable if you want to change.
If change was easy.
If change was fun.
If change was enjoyable.
Then every single fucker out there would change.
Here is what makes me really uncomfortable….
Being told that I am amazing, inspirational, disciplined, kind, strong minded, and working towards being the best that I can be.
Because I don’t think I am much of any of that….. I’m just an ordinary chick going about her biz.
But FUCK IT…. I am going to take it and OWN it.
It’s time to change my internal soundtrack.
Is it time you changed yours?
